Steamed Hams

Steamed Hams, also known as Skinner & the Superintendent is a scene and internet meme based on the episode 22 Short Films About Springfield, where Seymour Skinner invites Superintendent Chalmers over for lunch. It was written by show runner Bill Oakley.


[edit] Transcript

  • Chalmers: Well, Seymour, I made it despite your directions.
  • Seymour: Ah, Superintendent Chalmers! Welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!
  • Chalmers: Eh.
  • Seymour: Oh, egads! My roast is ruined! But what if... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Delightfully devilish, Seymour!
  • Chalmers: Ah-
  • Singers: Skinner, with his crazy explanations. The superintendent's gonna need his medication! When he hears Skinner's lame exaggerations, there'll be trouble in town tonight!
  • Chalmers: SEYMOUR!
  • Seymour: Superintendent, I was just- Uh, just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise! Care to join me?
  • Chalmers: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?
  • Seymour: Uh-Ooh! That isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmmm. Steamed clams! Phew! Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers.
  • Chalmers: I thought we were having steamed clams.
  • Seymour: D'oh, no. I said steamed HAMS. That's what I call hamburgers.
  • Chalmers: You call hamburgers steamed hams?
  • Seymour: Yes! It's a regional dialect.
  • Chalmers: Uh-huh. Er, what region?
  • Seymour: Uh-upstate New York.
  • Chalmers: Really? Well, I'm from Utica and I never heard anyone use the phrase steamed hams.
  • Seymour: Oh, not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression.
  • Chalmers: I see. You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.
  • Seymour: Oh-ho-ho-ho, no! Patented Skinner burgers. Old family recipe.
  • Chalmers: For steamed hams.
  • Seymour: Yes.
  • Chalmers: Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact they are obviously grilled.
  • Seymour: Y-You know the... One thing I sh... Excuse me for one second.
  • Chalmers: Of course.
  • Seymour: Well, that was wonderful. Good time was had by all. I'm pooped.
  • Chalmers: Yes, I should be-Good Lord, what is happening in there?
  • Seymour: Aurora borealis.
  • Chalmers: Aurora borealis?! At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?
  • Seymour: Yes!
  • Chalmers: May I see it?
  • Seymour: No.
  • Agnes: Seymour! The house is on fire!
  • Seymour: No, mother. It's just the northern lights.
  • Chalmers: Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say, you steam a good ham.
  • Agnes: Help! HELP!
Last edited by cwf97 today at 13:42
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